


Friends Don’t Serve Friends Weird Milk

by sister_dear



Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms
Genre: Cultural Differences, Ensemble Cast, Food, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Lactose Intolerance, Linked Universe (Legend of Zelda), No one is being intentionally malicious in this fic and it all works out in the end, Sickfic, Stomach Ache, Unintentionally serving someone food they would not have chosen to eat, Wind (Linked Universe)-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:00:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26970286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sister_dear/pseuds/sister_dear
Summary: With Wild cooking for a large group for the first time, there are bound to be mishaps.Aka Wind eats something that he winds up regretting.
Relationships: Wild & Wind (Linked Universe)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 275





	Friends Don’t Serve Friends Weird Milk

“Dinner!” Wild calls. 

Wind is first in line. He holds his bowl out to Wild, grinning. Wild laughs, because Wind has been hovering unapologetically over his shoulder ever since he saw exactly what it was Wild was making. 

Seafood chowder. 

This is going to be so good. 

It’s the first time Wild has made his version of seafood chowder for them, but then they haven’t all been together in this big group for very long so there hasn’t exactly been time for repeats. The important thing is that Wind’s had enough of his cooking by now to know that Wild can do amazing things with a simple camp cooking pot, and tonight he’s making one of Wind’s favorites. 

It’s not going to be as good as Grandma’s - nobody’s is as good as Grandma’s - but Wind is still excited. 

He is a little curious about the large quantities of strange coconut milk Wild put in. Wind has never seen milk quite so thick or opaque. Wild doesn’t seem the type to knowingly serve them bad food though, and it hadn’t looked moldy or smelled rancid. Maybe coconuts are just different where Wild comes from? 

Wind takes his bowl, plants his happy ass down on a log, and tucks in. 

The first bite is like the dawn sun breaking over a friendly port after sailing all night through a storm.

“This is really good!” Wind exclaims around another mouthful. Warriors smacks the back of his head, like Tetra sometimes does, or like Wind does to Aryll. He’s been acting like a big brother since the two of them first met up, but Wind doesn’t mind it. He likes Warriors. Even the addition of Sky to their duo hadn't thrown off their dynamic too much. Sky is the type of person who can get along with almost anybody. 

“Don’t talk with your mouth full.”

Wind opens his mouth and sticks out his tongue, giving Warriors an eyeful of his half-chewed food. Warriors makes a disgusted noise. Wind goes back to stuffing his face.

He’s polishing off his bowl just as Wild finishes serving himself. Wind gets up and goes to see if there’s any more. Hyrule meets him at the pot, his own empty bowl in hand. Wild just waves them in. “There’s enough left for you two to split.”

Hyrule smiles, quick and shy. Wind doesn’t know him as well as it feels like he already knows Wild, even though he met Hyrule and Legend well before the Champion. Hyrule tends to hide behind Legend, who is more than loud enough for any five people. Wind gets the feeling they were traveling together for even longer than he was with Warriors and Sky before they all met up.

Wind is sure there’s a fun streak hiding under Hyrule’s shy exterior. He’s gonna find it soon. Until then, there is another thing they definitely have in common; they’re the two most likely to go back for seconds. None of the others seem to mind, unless Twilight bullies his way in to drop more on Wild or Four’s plates as well.

Wind sits back down with his second bowl, going slightly slower this time. It’s so rich. Thick in a way he doesn’t quite have the words for. Wind has never had anything like this. He’s hardly paying attention to the cautious getting to know you type conversations going on over their soup bowls, absorbed as he is in devouring every delicious drop. 

After dinner is done and the night’s watch rotation decided, they split up to entertain themselves for what remains of the evening. Wind pulls out a deck of cards. He doesn’t even need to say anything for Warriors to be dropping down across from him, shedding his armor with a cocky grin. 

“I’m gonna wipe the deck with you.” Wind shuffles the cards, throwing in a fancy split. 

“Bring it, sailor boy.” 

When they first met, Wind fully expected he’d slaughter the captain at cards. It didn’t take long to realize that Warriors cheats too. Playing with him takes Wind straight back to the hold of a ship, surrounded by lewd jokes and raucous laughter. 

Sky refuses to play with either of them.

Wind takes the first few hands, only losing to Warriors twice. He’s starting to learn Warriors’ tells. The tricky part is figuring out how to counter his cheating without letting Warriors catch him cheating in turn. 

His stomach is a little upset, but Wind ignores it; it does that sometimes, especially when he’s returning home to fresh food after living too long on a shipboard diet. 

The pain doesn’t fade, though. The corner of his mind that’s always paying attention to his surroundings notices how Sky keeps touching his stomach, the discomforted look on Hyrule’s face and the covert glances Legend keeps shooting at his friend. Wind isn’t the only one feeling a little unwell, but he’s too absorbed in not letting the growing pain distract him from his game to give the others more than a passing bit of attention. 

When his stomach starts to cramp, hard and unpleasant, he has to admit to himself that this might be a little more than a mild case of stomach upset. 

Warrior pauses before making his next play to frown at Wind, a worried crease appearing in his brow. “All right there, Sailor?” 

“Course! Don’t think you’re going to distract me from the fact that I’m beating you!” Wind offers a challenging smile. He’s got this one in the spoils bag, and no upset stomach is going to stop him. There’s no railing to be discreetly sick over like there is at sea, but if he can hold out through this round, he’ll call a bathroom break and go throw up in the woods. With any luck that’ll be enough to get whatever his stomach is reacting to out of his system and the fun can go on with no one the wiser. 

Hyrule beats him to it. His face loses all color. He lurches to the side, just managing to avoid splattering the contents of his stomach all over his boots. 

The camp goes into a mild uproar. Warriors leaps to his feet, hesitating long enough to leave his cards in a neat stack, face-down on top of the log they’re using as both seating and a playing surface. Wind would rush over too, but his stomach is now cramping so badly he’s not sure he’d manage to stand up straight. He watches as everyone but he and Sky crowd around Hyrule, handing him a water skin, a rag to wipe his face, saying things like “Woah!” and “Take it easy.” Hyrule quails under all the attention. 

“Back off!” Legend’s roar gets Hyrule a little breathing room. 

“Hyrule isn’t the only one sick,” Four states. Heads swivel towards Wind and Sky. Sky is curled up with his arms around his middle, face pale. Wind realizes too late that he’d also hunched forward over his knees as soon as everyone’s backs were turned. He tries to straighten, to find his sunny smile again. He doesn’t want to be babied. It’s hard enough to keep the respect of the others when he’s the youngest. 

He picks up his cards - damn, he’d missed an opportunity to peek at Warriors', he’s really off his game - and leans back, intending to make a show of fanning them out. His stomach gives an almighty heave.

Nope, that’s it, he’s gonna hurl. Wind lurches over the back of the log, leaning on it as he loses his dinner down the other side. He has just enough presence of mind not to drop his cards in the mess. Someone’s hand comes down on his back, soothing and patting like Grandma does when he or Aryll get the flu. Wind spits bile, panting and shivering in reaction. He closes his eyes so he doesn’t have to look at it, but that just makes the smell come into sharper focus. A rag nudges his hand. He takes it, wipes his mouth. Now the loud voices are centered around him. Great. Just great. 

Legend is hurtling accusations somewhere behind him. “How old was that seafood?”

“Now hold on.” That’ll be Twilight, getting in the middle of things. Not that Wild needs the defense.

“It was completely fresh! The slate keeps it that way. Besides, if the chowder was bad we’d all be sick!”

Wind leans away from his mess before the smell sets his stomach off again, resting his head on the log with his face on the side towards the fire. It’s Warriors kneeling beside him with a hand on his back. Beyond him, Time has inserted himself between Twilight and Legend, a heavy hand on both their shoulders to keep their snarling from turning into an all out brawl. He gives them both a hard look that has them quieting before turning an only slightly softer version of that look on Wind, Sky, and Hyrule. “Did you three share a meal earlier? Something the rest of us didn’t eat?”

Sky shakes his head, keeping carefully still otherwise. He’s hunched over his legs. His arms haven’t left his middle. So far he’s the only one of the three of them who hasn’t thrown up. Wind makes a private bet with himself on how long that lasts. “Lunch was the same travel rations I’ve been eating all along,” Sky says, his characteristic sleepy smile vanished under a strained expression. “That’s all I’ve had since we all ate breakfast.”

“Wind? Hyrule?” 

“No,” Hyrule says shortly, hoarse and obviously still not feeling well. 

Wind rocks his head against the log. “I can tell when my food’s gone bad,” he says, insulted. He sits up a little. Ugh. His stomach _hurts._ Warriors offers him a waterskin. Wind takes a swig, swishes it around, and spits it back over the other side of the log. 

Something soft and smelling faintly of sea air drops in his lap. His blanket. Wind looks up to see Four walking towards Sky, the chosen hero’s own travel quilt bundled in his arms. 

“Here,” Warriors picks up the blanket, straightening it out. 

“I got it, I got it,” Wind tugs it back, tired of the fussing. “You don’t need to baby me!” He arranges it around his legs, letting himself take comfort in the warmth and the familiar smell. Warriors backs off, hands raised and waving in a mockingly placating manner. Wind gives him the stink eye. Warriors’ smile fades as he looks from Sky to Hyrule and back to Wind. Wind sees his eyes linger on the empty cooking pot. His brows furrow. 

Sky lets Four help him with his own quilt, thanking him quietly. He sounds as miserable as Wind feels. Across the fire, Legend has returned to Hyrule’s side. The traveler is slumped against him, hands restlessly picking at a loose thread on the hem of his tunic. 

Wind takes another cautious sip of water, swallowing it this time. Warriors drops from his crouch to sit cross-legged at Wind’s feet. His thoughtful frown narrows in on Sky. Four, perched on the log at Sky’s back so he can sit with an arm around his shoulders, shoots Warriors a warning look. Wind is glad to see someone being protective of Sky, even if it surprises him a little. He hadn’t realized those two were close. 

His stomach starts to hurt again, the temporary reprieve granted by throwing up beginning to wane. Wind takes another small sip from the waterskin, hoping to settle it.

Warriors makes a ‘settle down’ kind of motion with his hands at Four. “Sky, do your people raise cows? Goats?”

Hyrule and Sky seem as bewildered at the question as Wind. “What’re those?” He asks for them. The trailing end of Warriors’ scarf is on the ground near Wind’s hand. He picks it up, running his fingers over the fine embroidery. He needs something to distract himself from the painful twisting in his abdomen.

It’s Twilight who answers. “Domesticated farm animals.” 

Wind pauses with his thumb poised over the raised shape of the triforce. “Like pigs?”

Warriors nods. “Yes, like pigs, but they’re not just kept for their meat. People harvest their milk, too. Like keeping cuccos for eggs.” 

Hyrule still seems utterly bewildered. Sky has a slightly weirded out look on his face that is a perfect mirror of how Wind is feeling. Is he talking about the same stuff that animals feed their babies with? People drink that? _"Gross.”_ Wait. “Is that what that white stuff was that Wild put in the chowder? That wasn’t from some kind of weird coconut?”

Wild shakes his head. He’s wearing a worried look, his eyes bouncing from one person to the next around the camp as if he’s realized he's caused a problem but still has no idea how. “That was goat milk.”

Wind kind of wants to throw up all over again. His stomach gives a hefty squeeze. He swallows it back.

Four straightens, his arm still around Sky’s shoulders. His voice when he speaks is level in the way of someone who is trying very hard to seem non-judgmental. “Better avoid cooking communal meals with it from now on. Cow milk too. Looks like these three will have a reaction to it.” 

Wild just looks more bewildered, even a little frantic. “That can happen? With food?”

Twilight finally seems like he’s getting with the program. He tweaks Wild’s ponytail, then ruffles his hair, smiling at the subdued squawk. “Yes. There was someone in my home village who couldn’t eat any kind of mint. I didn’t know it could happen with milk. _Everyone_ back home drinks milk.” Time nods agreement, looking unhappy. 

Wild seems to be stuck on the last point. His eyes are going distant like they sometimes do, his voice faint. “People can get sick on food that hasn’t gone bad?” He seems oddly distressed by something Wind thought was common knowledge. Then again, Wind never thought people would drink the animal equivalent of baby food.

Twilight’s hand slides off of Wild’s hair to pull him into a quick one-armed hug. “It’s all right. We’ll put together a list of the foods everyone knows they can eat and double check anything else. Probably should have done that at the start.” He scrubs at the back of his neck.

This doesn’t seem to do much to reassure Wild. “I need to talk to Zelda. Or Purah,” he’s muttering. 

“There are plenty of books on the topic,” Four tells him. Sky’s head is on his shoulder, eyes squeezed shut. If the discomfort on Sky’s face wasn’t so clearly reflecting Wind’s own, he’d be tempted to take a pictograph of the role reversal: Sky is usually the one giving cuddles, not receiving them. “Next time we’re somewhere with a decent library or teaching doctor, we’ll find a way for you to learn.”

Time nods, arms crossed and surveying the campsite with a worried frown. “It would be wise for all of us to have that knowledge. Wild isn’t going to be doing _all_ of the cooking.” 

Hyrule suddenly lurches away from Legend, eyes wide. The sound of retching fills the air. Legend hovers over him protectively, snatching the clean rag Twilight hands him before waving him off. 

Wild’s face falls even further. His teeth are buried in his bottom lip, hands gripping his elbows as he watches the two. 

“Wild!” Wind waves to get Wild’s attention. He comes over, hesitant, and stands in front of Wind rather than crouch or sit beside him, shifting his weight from foot to foot. “When we go back to Outset-” because that will be a when, not an if “-get my grandma to teach you her seafood chowder recipe. Yours was pretty good, but hers is better.” 

Wild smiles, some of the usual good cheer trying to work its way back in his eyes. “Better than mine? Care to prove it?”

 _“I_ don’t know how to make it! But I do know she uses coconut milk. Like a normal person.” 

Wild laughs. 

“Don’t serve me animal milk again,” Wind adds, doing his best to channel Tetra’s no-nonsense voice when she’s whipping a green crew member into shape. “That’s just _weird.”_

Wild sobers. “I won’t. I’m sorry.”

Wind flaps his hand, dismissive. Sorry means little. Wind believes that Wild won’t do it again, that’s the part that matters. “I know you won’t, because if you do, I’m gonna sic Tetra on you.”

Wild grins, leaning down to take the hand that Wind sticks out and shaking it firmly. “Deal.”

**Author's Note:**

> Wild: I have zero memories of ever cooking food for anyone that wasn’t myself or one or two random locals, but now I’m going to be preparing most of the meals for a group of nine people from dramatically different time periods and cultures. There’s no possible way this could go wrong!


End file.
